What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
