First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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