my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
