Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
