So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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