do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How external is "for external use only"?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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