Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
