End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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