you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We are two peas in an std pod
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
