I feel great
I just peed on a car
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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