So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
