There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
