Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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