Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
