maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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