White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
