You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
