This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
