Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
