My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
