We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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