i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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