Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
