hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
