it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
