He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
