I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
