Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
