You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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