We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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