Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
