She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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