Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize