New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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