How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
