I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
