And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
