She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
These tits shall not be calmed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
