is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
