shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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