How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
