oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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