how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
