i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
