Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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