i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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