Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
