And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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