Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
