Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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