Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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