We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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