I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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