I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
