Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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