i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
