I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
