so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you would pick up someone in the library
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
