clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
