I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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