Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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