It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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