I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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