I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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