A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
