i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
