I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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