He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
