I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
