I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
